BAD BOYS ARE BORING

Three months had gone by and he still hadn’t changed his mind, despite all my seductive tactics on him. But tonight, I wasn’t holding back. I had a game plan.

It was another hot night at the back of one of our lecture halls, doing what we did best— drive each other’s body crazy.

His eyes were wide shut, the back of his head resting on top of the chair he was seated on while I sat on his laps. His lips half opened as he moaned softly to the movement of my hand on his cucumber down to the balloons behind them.

“Babe.” I whispered into his ear as I gently sucked and nibbled on his ear lobe.

He was so lost in the moment that it took him seconds to answer, “Yes, my love?”

“I have a surprise for you.”

He chuckled, “I love surprises.”

I lifted the hem of my jalabiya up to my stomach, knowing I wore nothing under.

“Let me have a taste of you this one time.”

I spread my legs on top of his already-hard cucumber but as soon as he realized what I was up to, he pushed me away, almost causing me to fall on the floor.

He stood up from the chair and zipped up his trouser right away, “Mariam, what the hell-”

“Hear me out, Sadiq.” I held his hands, trying to still myself from whatever crazy plan I had schemed.

He looked at me in confusion. I stared back at him, my eyes dancing in unison from the nervousness in my chest.

I could feel the sweatiness of my palms as my hands were wrapped around his. Then I let out a heavy sigh before I spoke the three words I dreaded to say the most,

“Marry me, Sadiq.”

His eyes grew wide in shock before the unexpected words spurred out of his mouth,

“God forbid.”

In shock, I threw his hands away. “Enh?”

“Mariam, don’t get this the wrong way.” He stepped away from me and shook his head, “I cannot marry you.”

I covered my mouth in shock before I let out a hefty laughter. Ah me, Mariam Abdulkadir of University of Southern Kaduna, was getting rejected? It’s a lie. I laughed harder. It’s a big lie.

“I tried to love you, Mariam, but all you did was torture me.” He added.

“Torture?! You’re the one who refused to see my worth.”

“No, you are the one who refused to see your worth. You try to control every single thing I do because you’re afraid of something. It’s exhausting! People who know their worth won’t try to force or manipulate their way into being loved.”

I scoffed at him, “Just say you never loved me and stop mixing words.”

“Oh God.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, then looked up at me in distraught. “You know what? I’m done. I’m done with you just never listening. I’m done with this relationship.”

“No, I am done with this relationship!” I snapped back, “You’re not the one breaking up with me, I am the one breaking up with you!”

“Whatever.” He turned around to leave the lecture hall, but I yanked his shoulders back.

“Did you ever love me?”

He exhaled in frustration and stared at me for a moment. Silence filled the room for a brief second before he said,

“You never gave me the space to.”

“So it’s my fault?” I scoffed, “Do you know what? Fuck you. Fuck your grandfather clothes. Fuck your fake self-righteousness. And fuck Beethoven!”

I packed my bag and dashed for the door. I stopped halfway and turned around to look at him.

“You will come running back into my arms! Watch and see. You will regret never loving me!”

“Maybe if you learnt how to take a little accountability for your feelings, love will come your way!” He blurted out.

I slammed the door shut. Bastard.

***

Sadiq never came running back into my arms. I waited every day for him. I dreamt about it. I prayed about it.

I just needed to prove him wrong, and to show that I was right. I was always right.

My whole devious plan had failed. The proposal was useless. If he really wanted to sleep with me, he would have agreed to marry me.

When my friends and everyone else asked me why Sadiq and I broke up, I told them I rejected his marriage proposal. No one needed to know that I was the one that proposed to him. They needed to see my side of the story, truth or not. And my side of the story was that he proposed, and I said, “God forbid.” End of discussion.

It took me 24 hours to get over Sadiq.

I mourned for the cucumber I never got to ride. And for the remaining five figures in his bank account that I never got to enjoy.

After that day, Sadiq’s existence in my life became a dust in the air, just like all my other past flings. I never cried for a man for more than 24 hours. They didn’t deserve anything more than that.

Plus, there is a popular saying that goes, “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

The inventor of that quote was not talking to a heartbroken man or woman. He was talking to a hungry shark looking for another breakfast to feast on. Sharks like me.

“Mariam Abdulkadir?” An unfamiliar voice called out to me one unexpected cold evening.

I had just finished from one of my seminar classes when this deep soothing voice called out to me from the hallway. The voice belonged to one of those crouchy boys in my seminar class that dressed like one mallam.

“Can I help you?” I looked at him up and down.

“My name is Joseph.” He smiled and stretched out his hands to shake me.

I did not take it.

Embarrassed, he brought his hand down, though he still had that hopeful smile plastered on his face.

“I-I know you probably don’t know me, but I have been your classmate since 100 level. I always sat behind you, but you never took notice of me.” He rubbed the back of his neck shyly, “I just want to let you know how beautiful you are and that you’ve caught my eyes since the first day I saw you.”

“So what do you want me to do with all this information?”

Baffled by my question, he began to stutter, “I, uhm, want to... to get to know you more. And-and follow you. And know you. Sorry I meant know your time. Earn your time. I-”

He kept stammering, trying to get the right words out of his mouth. His stammering and nervousness gave me all the answer I needed to know. And all the assurances I needed.

I smiled.

Great. Another good boy’s heart to break.